


the road to Neverland

by sweetheartshumjr



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders-centric, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I am so sorry, Not Beta Read, mentiones of peter pan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:39:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24445198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetheartshumjr/pseuds/sweetheartshumjr
Summary: Roman hasn't felt like himself for a long moment. He wants to just... Give up.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 20
Kudos: 100





	the road to Neverland

The first time that it happened he still had a sliver of hope left in him. So when a spoon clattered on the floor he just thought, he was just his usual clumsy self and ignored the flickering of his hand disappearing and then appearing a second later.

But then the video happened. And Roman started to loose faith.

That's why the second time had been hard to ignore.

He was chatting with Virgil and Logan (as much as one can call it chatting, with Logan sometimes just humming an affirmative to show that he was listening). He had turned around to take the bowl out of the cupboard when suddenly his whole hand disappeared.

The bowl crashed into little pieces on the floor, startling all of the three sides present in the kitchen.

"Damnit" muttered Roman, quickly getting on his knees to pick up the pieces.

He looked at his hand that has reappeared again. He would have thought "what the hell" if he didn't know what was happening. But he did.

All of them knew, honestly.

He pressed his lips and risked a quick glance to the other sides, checking if they had noticed anything. But no. Logan just shook his head, muttering how inappropriate it was to pick sharp things with bare hands. At that Roman foreced himself to chuckle, knowing deep down that he wouldn't care if he had slit his hand open with it.

It's not like it mattered anyway.

He heard Virgil commenting,

"Well, seems like you should go to sleep. With you being so clumsy, you could do more damage"

Damage. Just like he has damaged Thomas?

He shook his head and plastered a smile on his face, turning fully back to the others.

"If you only say so, My Chemically Imbalanced Romance" he said, throwing the pieces to the trash. "I guess that is my cue to go to the lands of dreams then" he said, still smiling.

Logan nodded but Virgil just... Stared at him for a second, making Roman tense.

Has he slipped somehow? Has Virgil noticed that...

But after a moment the anxious side just chuckled.

"Yeah. You gotta be tired if you agree with me just like that, Princey."

Bless him and his still relatively good acting.

Throwing a quick "goodnight" he almost run to his room.

Once inside he allowed himself to breathe. He slid down the door and sat on the floor. He lifted his hand and stared at it intensively.

Deep inside himself, he knew that this moment simply had to come at some point. With the thoughts he has been having during nights, it was almost inevitable.

They discovered it after Virgil decided to duck out.

When a side started to loose faith in its purpose, it would start to slowly disappear. Logan thought it was gradual, while Pat... while Patton thought it could be more influenced by the feeling of hatred and how strong it was.

Truth be told, Virgil didn't really want to talk about it, and, well, nobody could blame him. But from what they have gathered, a side would flicker, appear and disappear in just seconds, the only thing keeping them inside would be Thomas' mind basically ordering them to stay so Thomas wouldn't get actually insane.

Finally the side would got so tired of it, or at least that what Virgil had said, they they'd just... Duck out. Still existing in the mind but simply unreachable.

Like a kid taken to the Neverland by Peter Pan. Going willingly, to escape reality to a supposedly better place.

Well, Roman only started getting this and he was tired already. But honestly, when was the last time that he hasn't felt tired?

He hung his head, feeling the unwanted tears prickling in his eyes.

He honestly couldn't tell. It has been with him, this utter tiredness and the feeling of being useless, for a long time now.

It started with the little things, honestly. Things that he has brushed away, like the constant insults that he thought of as harmless quirps form the other sides, the musical but then...

Then the court happened. And Roman felt lost.

He honestly really tried to make a good choice back then. He tired to be the good judge. Tired to listen to the both of the sides. Tried to cover how the role, that has been placed on him, actually freaking terrified him by flirting, laughing, making stupid jokes...

_Stupid, stupid, stupid_ , he thought, gripping his hair.

They told him how bad it was to side with Janus. So he has chosen selflessness.

But he wasn't happy with that. Not even a little bit.

He wasn't sure if anyone actually thought about what that has actually cost him. He sacrificed his dreams, _Thomas' dreams_ for a selfless act. And the act didn't even feel good.

Yet the others couldn't know about it. So he did what he knew best.

Acted it up.

Tears started to fall from his face. Frustrated he brushed them off with his sleeve, maybe a little too forcefully.

Then his whole arm disappeared and Roman felt something ugly cleanch inside of him.

Seems like it will be the fast way for him, then. Maybe he passed the second star just a few videos ago and now he was going straight to the morning?

He sighed. The thought of the upcoming should scare him, but he felt... Numb to it. And maybe thinking about it as going to Neverland made him feel safer?

He couldn't tell.

Roman laid his head on the door, returning to his thoughts.

After that his dear, sweet brother decided to finally show up himself. Granted, Roman haven't seen the whole thing, because he has been unconscious for the better part of the whole ordeal, but he knew Remus. He knew that his sudden appearance didn't mean anything good.

And would you look at that, he was right. It had made Virgil even more anxious than he already was. It had also made Roman wonder. Wonder what would it be like if their roles were switched.

But he pushed it back then, trying to focus on helping Virgil, to reassure him that Thomas didn't hate him.

Roman scoffed at the memory of this.

What a damn hypocrite he is, truly. Especially after the last video.

The tears started to flow without any care.

Now it was actually _good_ to trust Deciet. Patton chose the snake's judgement against his own, even though he had earlier said that listening to Janus was bad. But well, turns out that Patton could be wrong. And if Patton is wrong, whose to say that Roman isn't bad?

His breathing quickened, as he dug the heels of his palms onto his eyes, sobbing.

Whose to say that? Maybe Remus could take the wheel. Act as him for a while for the others to get used to it. And they would, he was so sure of that. Maybe they even wouldn't notice the difference. All in all Remus was still a good a actor.

A tiny bit of him hoped they would, though. That they would caught in right away. But right now he wasn't so sure of that.

Around him, his room started to gradually grow darker and darker.

Roman lifted his head, staring at it.

He has created it, so it would make sense that it would also react to his mood change. At least he thought that that's the reason why the gold and red from the walls started to morph to pitch black. The fairy lights attached to them stayed though.

Maybe it was just Roman's subconscious still gripping tightly to the concept of the second star on the right.

Next thing to disappear was his desk. And with it all of the sheets with unfinished ideas, vague plots, themes, designes imprinted on them.

Normally it would make Roman frustrated, maybe even sad or angry that they were no longer there. That all of his hard work just disappeared into thin air. But in the state he was now, he just shrugged. They weren't good nor needed anyways, so who would care? He certainly would not.

Besides when Remus takes over, it wouldn't matter anyway.

As he slowly stood up, suddenly he felt the energy rip off him and his whole body flickered. He stumbled backwards. Pressed his lips.

_Well, it seems like my time is running out_ , he thought to himself. _Now it's just straight to the morning._

"Goodbye then" he whispered into the darkness that surrounded him.

He stumbled to his bed and heavily fell on it.

The soft duvets felt scratchy. His prince outfit felt uncomfortable.

With the last of his strength he managed to shrug the jacket of him. He was about to toss it on the floor, when his hand cought the red sash.

He unclipped it from the jacket and ran a finger through the soft satin. At least that still felt right. Smooth. Almost comforting.

In the back of his mind a quote appeared.

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.”

He sighed, laying down. He felt himself flicker again, but interestingly enough, the sash still stayed in his hand.

Roman shook his head.

They would forget though. He was so sure of it, that it would actually hurt, if he hadn't felt so numb.

He curled in the bed, clutching to the sash for dear life. Maybe it will become his fairy dust.

He closed his eyes, letting the darkness fall upon him.

For a split second he thought he has heard a knock on his door, but brushed it off. Must have misheard it.

They will manage without him. They will.

_Something's wrong_ , Virgil thought, as Roman left the kitchen. _Something's very, very wrong_.

He glanced at Logan to see if he has noticed anything, but the side just sipped his tea. Virgil pressed his lips then, feeling the sudden rush of anxiety in him.

Music. He needed music.

He quickly went to his room and put headphones on his head. Without looking he chose a random song and laid on his bed, with hands behind his head.

Roman has been acted... Off lately. Sure, he would still show up when needed, say something with his booming voice, but... He hasn't sung even once. He hasn't smiled once. Or... He hasn't smiled _for real_ once.

Not since the last video.

Virgil run a hand down his face, thinking. He shook his head.

No, not the last video. It was just when things has gotten so bad that he started to actually notice this change. But, if he were to be honest, Roman has been acting weird even before that.

The court. The appearance of Duke. Even the Crofters musical. Am I on the Right Path...

Come to think of it, Roman has been showing so many times he was not okay and they... They all just brushed it off.

Virgil winced inwardly. But then a sudden thought pierced through him, making his blood run cold.

If Roman has been feeling this bad, then maybe... Maybe...

He thought back to the broken bowl that was now in the trash.

He couldn't tell for certain, but Roman's hand could have flickered.

He sat up so abruptly that his headphones has fallen from his head. He managed to hear only the last bit of the song.

_Neverland is home to lost boys like me and lost boys like me are free._

He needed to check on him. Right now.

He was halfway out of the door, when he stopped.

What exactly could he do if the thing was indeed happening? He wasn't good at all of the comforting stuff!

But he was also the only person who didn't make Roman feel uncomfortable. Patton was out of question. Logan was even worse than he at this kind of stuff.

He sighed and he went to Roman's door, with every step closer to it, feeling a bad feeling grow inside him. He raised his hand and knocked once, softly.

No answer.

He breathed through the nose. He was about to check if the door were locked, when he heard a voice behind him.

"Virgil?"

He turned on his heel. Logan was standing a few paces away from him. Seeing as he has caught the side's attention, he pushed his glasses futher up on his nose and said.

"It seems like our presence is required in the common room."

Virgil raised his eyebrows, glancing pointedly at the door behind him.

"Shouldn't we take Roman with us, then?"

"Ah. I think it is best to leave him be for the time being. It is Patton who wants to talk", said Logan with a matter of fact tone.

Virgil pressed his lips. Yeah, if Patton was calling them, then Roman was better off in his room. But a part of him wanted to say a great fuck you to Patton and still check on Roman. But that would be unfair to Logan and...

"Fine" he said, going in Logan's direction. "Hope he makes it quick though."

Logan just shrugged in response.

Going down the hallway Virgil glanced one last time at the locked door.

He honestly hoped that the worst didn't happen. Because there's no chance in hell that they'll manage without Roman. They won't.

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SORRY  
> come and yell at me on tumblr @suibianbichen


End file.
